Paskening on Porn

Dov Lior
Chief Rabbi Kiryat Arba

Dear Rabbi Lior:

I was very glad to see your latest ruling, in which you revealed that a Torah True Jew is permitted to distribute smutty movies to gentiles so long as he also takes money for it. (I had a lowlife day school graduate from our shteeble translate it for me from the non-Torah-True Hebrew.) Your ruling is especially welcome, coming as it has on the eve of Rosh Hashana, because it permits us to be melamed zechus (make excuses) for Torah True Jews who have sinned.

Look, for example, at Jack Abramoff, a Torah True Jew if ever I saw one. Not only did Reb Abramoff open a kosher deli restaurant in Washington D.C, but he also possess an advanced degree in Talmudic Law (Scholar of Talmudic Studies) from Toward Tradition, a most prestigious institution. For a long time I wrinkled my brow, and stroked my long, uncombed beard, trying to find a way to reconcile Reb Abramoff's wonderful attributes with the inescapable fact that he is a crook. Now, thanks to you, I have it: Reb Abramoff ripped off Non-Jews - Indians, even - so surely the Almighty does not count this as a sin.

In conclusion, I wish to ask a favor. My mikve buddy ChaimMudcha Brecher has recently invited me to join his prosperous white-slavery business. If I put my hand under your thigh, and swear to sell the girls to non-Jews only, can I count on you for an approbation?

With Torah, Neviim and Kesuvim blessing, I am

YitzhakEyezick
Torah True Jew
- Proclaimed in complete and perfect righteousness by YitzhakEyzick at 9:32 AM