יום שלישי, ינואר 18, 2005
Welcome to Camp Aishes Chayil

Dear Shmarya:

I was tickled pink... no wait, that sounds socialist and femminine... I was tickled a manly shade of blue... no, no, that's Zionistic, and I'm not. Let's take three:

Dear Shmarya,

My soul turned black as coal when I read about your plan to open Camp Dogma. Though I welcome any attempt to put heretics and YU boys in their proper place, ie, Siberia, I don't think those srugy-wearing non-believers can be rehabilitated. Even if they could be compelled, via torture, to wear black hats, who would marry them? No Shmarya, I am afraid it's too late for these sinners, as the Book of Jonah teaches.

But it isn't too late to do something to further the education of our young women. I write hoping you'll agree to put your formidable camping expertise behind my newest venture: Camp Aishes Chayil.

Here is typical day's schedule for Camp Aishes Chayil.

6:30 Wake up
7:00 Bunk cleaning
7:30 Cook breakfast
8:00 Serve breakfast
9:00 Clean up breakfast
9:30 Tehillim
10:00 Choose one: Visiting the sick / Bad-mouthing the poor / Condecending to the needy
11:30 Cook lunch
12:00 Serve lunch
1:00 Clean up lunch
1:30 Tehillim
2:00 Choose one: Cooking / Baking / Sewing / Cleaning / Head shaving.
4:00 Cook dinner
5:00 Serve Dinner
6:00 Clean up dinner
6:30 Tehillim
7:00 Choose one: How to dress so no one will notice you / Making your husband your ultimate authority / Obedience through silence.

Doesn't this sound great? Wouldn't any Torah True Jew pay through his nose for the chance to send his daughter to a summer camp like this? As you can see, it prepares them for real life and trains them to be Torah True helpmeets. And, of course, if any YU-inspired type "Jew" dares to express a contrary opinion, I'm sure your friends in the Haredi Rabbinate will gladly make attending Camp Aishes Chayil a mandatory obligation.

Please let me hear from you, Shmarya, regarding this proposal. I'm eager to begin, and the Summer fast approaches.

With Torah, Nevim and Ketuvim blessings, I am

Yitzhak Eyezick
Torah True Jew

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